Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
