I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
