just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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