Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize