and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
