i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
