If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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