So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Welp...herpes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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