He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
