Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
