guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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