What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize