how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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