Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
