Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
