U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
