hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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