I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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