Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
