I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
