I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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