I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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