Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
