just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I just went to clothing optional bar
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize