Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
