Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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