You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
