Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
