drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
