Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
