woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
