so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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