I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
