I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
