How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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