Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
