yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
