The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
