There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
