omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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