Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
