awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
