Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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