he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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