Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
