Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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