Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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