the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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