Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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