He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
