bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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