would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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