He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize