Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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