Do you still have your period?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
