I want to have your abortion
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize