i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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