Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize