holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize