We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
