Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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