You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
