well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
