Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
