it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize