come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
