My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
