where am i from again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
