he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
