I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
