Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
